As far as hostile environments go, the octagon would have to qualify as one of the more fearful. On that tiny bit of earth a lot happens: to bodies, to psyches, to egos, and to reputations. Every fighter I know, including myself, walks toward the cage’s open door with controlled anxiety. I’ve been in 27 professional mma fights, and many others before that. Of all the foes I’ve had to tangle with, one stands out - far and away - as the most lethal. That would be me.
Aging has taught me that our biggest battles take place in a silent place within ourselves. I’ve become more finely tuned to the undeniable reality that it is free will that defines us as humans. With our choices and our actions we stand alone. Accepting the burden that comes with this awareness has helped me as a fighter.
When I was teaching math at Oak Hills high school in Cincinnati, I daily encountered a stream of reasons for undone homework and blown tests. There were always some students who had an inability to blast their way through the hard demands. Faced with a math concept they couldn’t readily grasp, they’d turnagainst the academic challenge. Those students are like bad drivers who, when into an icy skid, can’t resist the impulse to turnagainst it. As a teacher I learned that in tough situations, you have to go with and not against in order to prevail.
Whether it’s learning new mma techniques, understanding math principles, or any daunting task, failing to master it keeps a person from forging ahead.
After all my years of fighting, I am well aware that I can’t confront my octagon opponent if I can’t first control myself. It remains a struggle for me to accept my free will, and the responsibility that comes with it. But it’s either that or avoid those tasks which I know I need to be doing.
Not creating my own impairments is what’s on my mind, especially two months before a fight. When I was a coach on The Ultimate Fighter series, I was always surprised at how some fighters gleefully sabotaged their own fight goals. They even seemed to work towards making a wreckage of their entire lives. Other fighters on TUF displayed some of the finest qualities of my best math students. These were the guys who had an integration ofthought, feeling and action. They maintained a balance between their strong emotion to succeed, coupled with clear thoughts about how to go about their work. And they turned to action – shutting out distraction and getting down to it.
I often visualize myself standing on the canvas, the bell has sounded, my arm is in the air. This helps me bypass defeating images of disaster unfolding inside my head. A fighter who steps up to fight and who isn’t mentally focused and emotional contained, will soon find himself trapped in a world with which he cannot deal.
If I find myself training in a mechanical way, I try to quickly short-circuit this mediocrity. Then I work towards a more spirited use of my energies. I know there’s a man out there training hard so he can cause me a lot of hardship. I won’t make his job any easier.
Getting trapped in ruts is an ongoing hazard, whether fighting is your business or anything else. Surrounding yourself with skilled trainers helps keep you from losing your spirit because of a numbing routine. Sometimes all it takes is a creative approach to experiment with alternative ways.
Although I rely on the experts around me, I never lose sight that I am the bottom line. I’ve got the freedom to get it right or to fail. If I’m bewildered by anything in life, or paralyzed with indecision, I accept that I’m engineering my own defeat.
We don’t want to be driven by forces we can’t grasp or that are beyond our control. If we fail to make smart choices, then we’re surrendering to the power of others. That’s true whether it’s a fighter riding your chest while pounding your skull, or some other predicament in life.
Some days, when I’m worn out, I feel it’d be a lot easier to just passively let outside forces control my existence. Then I think about it again and I say to myself “No, I don’t think so.”
